Banjaara

My lonely life,
Surrounded by friends.
Stranded by feelings.
Filled up with unending fun.
Bogged down by unsharable emotion.
Met cheerful people, all that I could find.
Stupid heart was still yearning for a different kind.
The only kind that could hug my soul.
The kind responsible for my heart to be so cold.

The longing,
It never ended.
Every day so much I did dread.
So much of pain I always hid.
How long would it take, sometimes, I feared,
For them to get the news if, now I dropped dead.
My soul so silly, hadn’t stopped crying to be hugged.

A journey,
One shelter to the other, I bumped between,
Warmth showered on me, wherever I have been,
Learned to love each house I was in,
But none touched my soul like my own home and kin.
Whelmed down by my own emotions, so painful
Won over by life’s amazing miracles, so hopeful
Slowly I drifted away from feelings of who I am,
To the bliss of living the moment wherever I am.

Ik aas mili phir mujhko
Jo qubool kisi ne kiya hai
Kisi shaayar ki ghazal
Jo de rooh ko sukoon ke pal
Koi mujhko yun mila hai
Jaise banjaare ko ghar

Then she came,
Made me realize what I had been deprived of.
Brought my trust into relationships I was sick and tired of.
Healed the wounds I had that just needed the Love.
Colored my life happy, crossing limits, beyond and above.
Pulled me towards the real myself, I had orphaned long ago.
Loved me so much that all the pain, I forever did let go.
Drenched my heart, filling the cracks it bore.
Touched my soul with a hug it longed for.
Our heartstrings closely knitted for eternity, I then embraced her
To be mine forever and ever.

World at WAR - I

              

              I had to quit. I was actively taking part in their activities. Doing morchas in their name, beating up the people in pubs, driving away lovers in parks etc were my regular activities. All this was done to preserve our culture and identity. I was young, jobless and frustrated with many of my own internal conflicts. I was very vulnerable and easily provoked just like many in that situation. I had to vent it out on someone and if I could give it a name called preservation of culture, what more could I have asked for.

              We once picked up around 10 couples from a park on Valentine’s day and got them married. I later came to know that none of those marriages are in good standing. Yes we used to do charity but discriminative charity. Our very own existence was needed in first place because of the unity of our opposing groups from different communities. So each group helped only their own kind. Each detested the other.  Time passed by. One day my IPS results came and I was selected. Yes I was a well-read jobless youth then but not some ignorant uneducated brat.

               I still continued my loyalty towards our group by helping new kids in the group escape law or the leaders to tweak law for our advantage. My justification was that we have to help our own kind. Then finally the eventful day came. We had a tip off that a rave party was going on in the city outskirts that involved prostitutes and narcotics. My interest in the raid was that the rave party was organized by our opposition group leader. I was in high spirits thinking of the praises I shall get from my brethren after I grab the opposition group leader and put him behind the bars. When we reached the place, I found how betrayed I was and more importantly many people like me. It was a party organized by and for the leaders of all the groups. They were celebrating the fact that they made fools out of all of us. All of us were used to create unrest in the city when needed so that some political parties could prove their identity. That instance, I had decided to quit.

               The very thought that I was fooled by provocations from a person who actually did not believe in what he was saying was very frustrating. I arrested all the leaders in the party without any discrimination. But some unknown forces way above me jumped in and got them released without even the news making to media. That was 20 years back. All these years I made it a habit to question everyone until it appeals to my reasoning. I made sure no one would manipulate me anymore.  I have made it to RAW as a senior officer on my merit since then.

               Today I am sitting in a furnished office room in my house. This room holds memories of so many sleepless nights dealing with highly confidential  national security issues. I still remember the day when 26/11 attacks were going on. I was sitting in the same couch as I am sitting now watching a news feed on my laptop of latest proceedings from my sources and also the national media. It was the most painful memory. Everyone was so angry, including our top level ministers who usually do not lose their level headedness. By 28/11 we had our borders tightened and some heavy weaponry was ordered for the guards. I have not seen the papers move so fast in India prior to that but that incident indeed showed me that if needed Indian government can work faster.

               Tonight I am sitting here waiting for a call from my chief regarding one more “highly confidential national security issue” or as we say Hicon Nasi. I already got the news from my sources that there was a shooting in the India Pakistan border where some Indian soldiers were killed. And I am pretty sure this call is regarding that.

The phone rang.

“Hello Mr.Gopi. Your Superior Chief here. Code 94763992. Confirm your code.” Said the voice on the phone.

I replied “Yes sir. Gopi here and my code 97551008.”

               These are the codes we use to confirm each other’s identity. They keep changing every hour. This is one way of securing this confirmation. Also the phone lines we use are highly secure lines that cannot be tapped. There are many algorithms written around the encryption of this channel. Any sign of a tapping hit on this channel, the call gets dropped.

Voice on the phone continued. “We are secure now. 5 soldiers killed in Kashmir. Get me a report ASAP. “

               He hung up the phone. Yes these conversations are always abrupt so to escape any type of tapping.  Talking about tapping every phone in India is tapped but the good news is no one is listening to each and every conversation of yours. But the programs running against the communication channels are constantly searching for a database of words that hint at anything harmful to the nation. Once they find a match that is when someone opens the call log and listens to in whole while trying to decrypt any cryptography in the messages.

                Usually in such situations the report contains a timeline of events that happened that day. The ways we could have avoided it and who are at fault. Frankly from any stand point Pakistan is always on the fault. But we cannot say that. The wording should be somewhat like the counterpart on the other side of the border is responsible.  And the only way we can stop it from happening again is get some new equipment to track their movements and act before they start shooting. We have done that in the past and they have always bounced back beating the sophisticated weaponry we used.

                   

                 War is an expensive affair with so much collateral damage but this cold war is equally expensive with some

collateral damage.

.......................

                                 

                 A few thousand kilometers away across the border in Pakistan, a man is being chased by Jeep on an open highway in a hilly desert area. The man being chased is in an army uniform, the one which is worn by jawans of Pakistan. The jeep that is chasing him in the dark night resembled a dark demonic dragon thirsting for its prey. It had pitch black vehicle color accompanied by bright blue lights and some heavy fiery stickering which is quite common in this part of the world. Eventually the machine overtook the man and had him crushed under its tires that were now his claws of death that dragged his life out of him. The man driving the jeep called someone and said “Operation done. Arms can be dispatched now to India safely.”  He then drove away leaving the dead man behind for the vultures of the desert.

Happy Birthday to the Personification of Success

20 years ago I watched a movie of a lesser known actor then. I watched it only because it had the supernatural element of ghost helping a human. As a kid I loved that movie and watched it over and over again not because of the leading actor but because of the story. I even watched the Telugu version of that done by legend Jaggayya ages back called "Sabash Papanna". All this while I did not even realize the impact the actor would have on me in future. An year later I watched another movie of that actor. In the end when he is about to die, he laughs at the villain just before taking him down along with him. Boy I had goosebumps then and even now while writing. I for years repeated the legendary dialogue on winning by losing after that.

Meanwhile came two movies where he played an obsessed lover. I enjoyed both and second one more than the first because he was ruthlessly psychotic spoilt brat in that. In all these roles what I noticed was his  energy, spark and passion to make it big, which celluloid has never experienced before. I would certainly believe when his friends quote him saying "I would own this city(Bombay) one day". And one can surely quote Julius Caesar's "Vendi vidi vici" in his case.

I still remember going crazy over the beach song about catching a kiss and title song from a movie constantly shown over in channel "ETC" back then. I loved his style of wearing the suit with no shirt in side and tying the tie to his head with his smooth hair flowing down over the tie. I loved that movie too and it did not matter to me if it was a flop or a hit. Me being from a small town called Nellore in Andhra Pradesh where, back then, watching Hindi movies was only through the VHS and the movies we see depend on the selection available. Remember, those were the days of no pre-release publicity. And I was completely unaware of some of his  movies. But when VHS of some such movies finally arrived in my home town, I saw a different side of this actor. A soft role with boy next door charm, though plotting(one for girl and other for career) yet very innocent and lovable cute(I could not resist this word) boy. For me by then he was my favorite hero and I thought his role in a movie where he marries a widow and her husband comes back alive was too small for him. What I did not realize then was it was one of his first movies.

Few years passed and then came a multi-starrer action entertainer. I was his fan and my younger brother the other star's fan. We would watch that movie zillion times and play those roles where we shout each other names, run towards each other to attack and pretend a lightening stopped us both before attacking or we lie down as if dying and try to reach out for each others arms.

Then came a movie which is still running. I still remember the day when I watched that movie in theater and came home. I found they were just starting the Telugu version of the same movie on cable tv. Trust me when I say I sat before TV, completed that and then went to sleep. After that movie every one became his fan. Because he was an outsider who could make it big in the industry. And also because he was a common man before coming to movies, one of us.

Happy birthday to that Actor and my all time favorite. I liked all his movies except the one that deals with extramarital relations. I even loved his movies where he tries to donate his eyes for heroine or where a psychotic brother and sister are after him and kill his father or where he plays mute for 75% of the movie or movies where he played two roles or where he is the youngest of the three brothers in an action movie etc.

By
A fan to the King, "Till there is life"

My random thoughts-I

There is a reason why we use words like belief or faith when talking about religion. It's because you can't question a belief.
There is a reason to use words like devotion when referring to god. It's because there is no sound reason to abide by god.
And same way the word "Love" is used extensively when referring to fellow beings. But don't we question the people we love and don't we doubt our love sometimes? Instead of religion and god, believe in your loved ones and be devoted to your most loved ones. God and religion are secondary or even optional.

PS: too much gyaan...did i sit under bodhi vruksham or what?
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May 31, 2012 at 12:12 pm
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It's easier to convince a person, who knows what he/she wants, to not want it than the person, who does not know what he/she wants, to make him/her want something.
"Samba idhi raasko"
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May 21, 2012 at 1:24 pm
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If all the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players, you like some players for truly what they are and you should respect the God's decision of casting the rest in your play, whom you don't like, because a hero arises only from the need to face the anti-hero and so an anti-hero is more significant than the ones on the hero's side.
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May 7, 2012 at 3:47 pm
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Where you are today is because of parents. What&who you are today is because of friends. How much you are today is because of the wife :D
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April 23, 2012 at 9:08 pm
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Meet people outside family, know the world and then take a look at your siblings vth new perspective. Sometimes blind love on your siblings can be spoiling. Being critical is for their own good. Remember that's the difference between Vibheeshana and Kumbhakarna.
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April 15, 2012 at 11:42 pm
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Happiness,
it is inversely proportional to number of ppl you give unnecessary importance to in ur life.
And directly proportional to number of important ppl u can share it with.
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April 11, 2012 at 11:21 am
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One side love is harmful both sides.
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March 20, 2012 at 7:49 pm
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Love is nothing but how you make yourself worthy of your wonderful partner, be it parents, siblings, friends or spouse. It's strictly one way. Expecting it back can be termed as self-pity.
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February 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm
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Don't accept loss easily. Presentation is the key. Anything, how much ever ugly it is, can be presented presentably if you can put some effort. Ugliest thing in the world is the one that had no effort involved in it be it Taj Mahal or Angelina Jolie.
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February 8, 2012 at 6:13 pm
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The best trick of a smart one is acting dumb while the irritating trait of a dumb one is the failure to realize the dumbness.
I KNOW when wud I stop giving all this gyaan and realize how dumb I am :)
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February 6, 2012 at 5:21 pm
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Guilt cannot be erased by getting forgiveness. Only shamelessness can overshadow it.
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January 28, 2012 at 7:02 pm
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Feel ashamed when you are cheated but not sad that the person you trusted turned out immoral. Revenge may also be immoral but Pardon is very precious to be wasted on an immoral.
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January 21, 2012 at 11:46 pm
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I know wise men learn from others' mistakes but what if people around you never make mistakes ! Sometimes it's ok to err to improve.
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August 17, 2011 at 7:46 pm
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You will know how many ppl you have thrown off the road to happiness on your way to happiness, ONLY YOU WILL KNOW. Think abt it and next time you see them in the eye, u will feel the guilt.
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July 19, 2011 at 8:17 am
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Unless u r at least a lil bit selfless u can't claim that u understand others or tat u can think for others. Also the moment u claim it u have moved away from selflessness.
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May 30, 2011 at 3:04 pm
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It's not how sure you are about anything. It's how deftly you hide your unsurety.
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April 5, 2011 at 12:25 pm
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AHAM BRAHMASMI - అహం బ్రహ్మాస్మి

కలం నాది, నిజం నాది
ప్రవాహమైన ఈ కవనం నాది.

గమనం నాది, గమ్యం నాది,
సాధించిన గెలుపు నాది.

సమయం నాది, శిఖరం నాది,
సమ్యమనం లేని గర్వం నాది.

కష్టం నాది, కథనం నాది,
కష్టాల కెరటాల పై కేతనం నాది. 

కీర్తి నాది, అపకీర్తీ నాది, 
ఎప్పటికైన కాలం చెల్లిపోయె సామాన్య కావ్యం నాది.   

అల్పతృప్తి నాది, స్వల్పభుక్తి నాది,   
మినుగురులా కనుమరుగై పోయె తాత్కాలిక విజయం నాది. 

శిరోధార్యం కాలేని సాధకం నాది,
నెను మాత్రమే జపిస్తున్న నామ మంత్రం నాది,
మరణం చెరిపివెయ్యగల గతించె చరితం నాది, 
అహం బ్రహ్మాస్మి అగ్ని తొ దహనమవ్వనున్న భస్మాసుర పతనం నాది.

kalam naadhi, nijam naadhi
pravaahamaina ee kavanam naadhi.

gamanam naadhi, gamyam naadhi,
saadhinchina gelupu naadhi.

Samayam naadhi, sikharam naadhi,
samyamanam leni garvam naadhi.

kashtam naadhi, kathanam naadhi,
kashtaala kerataala pai kethanam naadhi.

Keerthi naadhi, apakeerthi naadhi,
eppatikaina kaalam chellipoye saamanya kaavyam naadhi.

alpathrupthi naadhi, swalpabhukthi naadhi,
minugurula kanumarugai poye thaatkaalika vijayam naadhi.

sirodhaaryam kaaleni saadhakam naadhi,
nenu maatrame japisthunna naama mantram naadhi,
maranam cheripiveyyagala gathinche charitham naadhi,
Aham brahmasmi agni to dahanamavvanunna Bhasmaasura patanam naadhi.

Sai, Saakshaath Eeshwar and The world will never know.(Part-3)

Have you ever wondered what happens when a religion ends or is no more followed? What would happen to all those religious heads? More importantly what would happen to the Gods? All the religious heads are either killed or forced to learn, practice and endorse new religion. So there is still life for those who accept the change. But what about Gods? They say "every time someone says they don't believe in angels, an angle drops dead.". Same case with the Gods, they  just vanish. Gods’ lives are linked directly to the prayers or complaints or cries of their devotees not the falsely publicized "Amruth". Once if all the devotees stop following a God, He/She is bound to vanish. 

It is this belief that led all the Hindu religious heads to reach out to council of Hindu Gods to complain about Sai Baba. They were scared of the extinction of Hinduism and it’s Gods. They complained about the ways of Sai Baba in teaching His followers the one God faith and expressed their opinion that this could lead to the extinction. The council then ordered Lord Yama to go for the life of Tatya. But among all this little did the religious heads knew about the identity of Sai Baba and who he actually was. 

After ages of thinking about the bad propaganda against Himself, Lord Shiva had finally decided to put His plan into action. He knew the British intentions of dividing the Indian people based on religion and so thought “Sabka Maalik Ek” should be the motto of His avatar on Earth. First to convey that message He need to earn people’s confidence right from His birth. If He is known to be born to parents from any religion He could never get closer to other religion. So He came to earth as a middle-aged fakir, who now is known as "The Sai Baba". No one knows his origin for sure but just speculates. He chose His attire to be of a Sufi Saint but made His Hindu followers address Him as “Sai-Saakshaath Eeeshwar”. He was known to have sported hair long enough to reach His knees which of course was the same hair where goddess Ganga was captured by Lord Shiva. And thus Lord Shiva who is known as “Aadhi Bhikshuvu”(Main beggar) became Sai Baba and did "bhikshatana"(begging) in the streets of Shirdi cleaning up the sins of the people and thus cleansing his own image as the angry God and easily appeased by Asuras. 

If everything happened according to His plan Sai Baba would have been last known avatar of Hindu Gods onto Earth after Lord Venkateswara. But it did not happen that way. It was 15^th October 1918 and in Shirdi people were so concerned about Tatya’s health. He coughed all day from past two days and lost lot of blood. Everyone had felt that he only had few more hours. Even Sai’s health was not right from past two days. He rejected to visit Tatya even when Shama approached Him with the news of Tatya’s deteriorating health. He reassured Shama that He has more responsibility than any others to save Tatya and He is doing more than He can by staying in His mosque. He recalled how Baijabai has served Him right from His initial days and how Tatya continued the same unconditional dedication. 

Hindu mythology had defined Vijaya Dasami as the celebration of victory of good over evil and this was the very reason why the Hindu God council had chosen this day 15^th of October in 1918 for this finale. It was a celebration of victory of Hinduism over One God philosophy. But utmost details were also worked out for this day so that the final moment of Sai is on ekadasi and not on Vijaya Dasami which would otherwise make all Sai followers who are Hindus think of VijayaDasami as bad day. And all the while Sai knew about this. He told Shama that Tatya would be alright after the ekadasi turns in. He even requested the God's council to save Tatya like he had done with the earlier followers. 

But it was rejected and was suggested that He sacrifice His own life to end His avatar as Sai. He was also forced to take His true identity as Lord Shiva to the grave with Him. He even tried talking to Lord Yama but Yama was already prepared well for this situation by His peers in the council. Sai was even told that the most selfless Bhaijabhai’s last request was also a plot by the council to put Him in this particular situation. This was all, a secret known only to the council and now Sai. He almost thought He ran out of all the options. He knew if He reveals His identity Tatya would be immediately killed but if He takes all the pain from Tatya then He was not sure if He would be in any position to reveal this to all His followers. 

So finally knowing the only outcome, He took over all the pain from Tatya in the initial moments of ekadasi and He knew He only had very few moments left. He then immediately grabbed Baija Appaji Patil and whispered something in his ears. Just then Tatya arrived there all well and healthy. Only few moments later Sai Baba took his last breathe and most powerful revelation of Hindu mythology or for that matter humanity is lost forever except if Appaji would ever dare to reveal this secret, the one which even Sai, Saakshaath Eeshwar could not reveal and The world will never know now.

Part-1 Part-2 Part-3

Sai, Saakshaath Eeshwar and Markandeya to Lord Curzon(Part-2)

The term ”Bhola Shankar” could not have been coined by some humans or sages. It is the word that conveys not just that Shiva can be easily appeased but that it is also a bad quality of His. It is such bad propaganda that always pestered Shiva. Yes Shiva had given powers to Asuras(Demons) but the same way He had also went out of His way , made enemies out of His own and helped great devotees. Mostly who prayed for Shiva’s darshan and got powers from Him have always suffered. Bhasmasura, Ravanasura and Gajasura all have been killed later by Lord Vishnu’s avatars and it was termed as triumph of good over evil. But there is one such purana that depicts how Lord Shiva helped one of His devotees, a non-asura to gain endless life.

Mrikandu rishi and his wife Marudmati prayed to Shiva for a boon to have a son. All versions of this purana that are available suggest that Shiva gave the couple a choice to choose from a long living less intelligent son and an intelligent son with short life. If Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva are responsible for Srishthi(Creation) , Sthithi(Continuation of life) and Laya(End) how is it possible that Shiva would have given such a boon to the couple. He can only decide the life span but not the intelligence. It can be argued at this point that not all the times boons were given without consulting the whole council of Gods. This was also one such case where Shiva was just the representative of the decision given by the council.

Markandeya was thus born as intelligent son for Mrikandu and Marudmati with only short life span of 16 years. He also became an ardent devotee of Lord Shiva and as he grew up with the intelligence he was given, he understood that Srishthi and Sthithi karakas were the ones responsible for his life and intelligence. So he thought only Lord Shiva needs to be appeased now so that he can live long life. And so he started praying to Him. All this while he was ignorant that it was not Shiva’s decision to grant him short life. Nevertheless his prayers were answered when Lord Shiva obstructed Yama, God of death, from taking the life of Markandeya. Shiva was so pleased by Markandeya that he went out of his way to wage a war against Yama. As a result Markandeya was granted endless life but Shiva had short-lived this victory as He soon had to face so many complaints against Him in council of Gods. Of all the things He learnt then, one thing He promised Himself not to forget was to never go against His own even for devotees. 

............................................................................................................................

Baija Appaji Patil is another devotee of Sai Baba who had seen so many miracles done by Sai. Over the years of his devotion to Sai he became a close aide to Him. He would later become one of those cursed devotees who witnessed the end of Sai. 

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Lord Curzon’s plan of dividing Bengal was almost successful and it wrote the beginning of an era of Hindu-Muslim strained unity which would later go on and make two nations enemies for the rest of humanity. Stopping this was the main motive of Sai’s entry into Shirdi or what has been publicized as re-entry. 

Sai with His prophetic powers found out recently that Tatya, son of Baijabai is dying on October 15 1918. Baijabai on her death bed made Sai promise that He will take care of Tatya. So Sai told to Himself that saving Tatya on that day would be an easy task for Him as He had done that already for few devotees. So He kept Tatya’s health on the back burner for now. He started focusing more on reading scriptures, sayings from holy books like Quran, Ramayana etc. He insisted to His followers to believe in oneness of the God and suggested that the essence of Upanishads and Tawhid is the same. He told them to detach themselves from religion as a person is soul and not the body and human soul is above all the religions. His followers though opposed of this side of Sai Baba , never doubted Him and His divineness.

So Sai was happy now that once His true identity which was never known to anyone is revealed He would find universal approval for his philosophy of “Sabka Malik Ek”. But there were few people that were not happy with this, the council of Gods. Them being what they are and knowing the true identity of Sai Baba, they knew the adverse effects of Sai’s revelation. It would destroy Hinduism and for that matter all the faiths of the world. There would only be one God and He would be Sai Baba. Time has come for the council to come into picture and take the matter into their hands. They summoned Lord Yama (God of death) and ordered him to go personally to take the life of Tatya. Yama from his past experiences was scared at first but He was given the required courage from rest and explained how this time it’s not His life that is at stake.

Part-1 Part-2 Part-3

Sai, Saakshaath Eeshwar and The plan.(Part-1)

Note: This is neither my belief nor my viewpoint. It is purely a fictional view on Sai Baba.

Over the thousands of years of Hinduism, there was one God who was not getting the due credit He deserved because all the good He did was weighed against the over publicized bad or wrong deeds. Even His two sons are revered as highly significant Gods in few communities. But why not Him- Lord Shiva? It’s as if His name itself has some negativity attached to it. This was the thought that was bothering Lord Shiva for ages. But one thought that had hit Him very recently made Him very happy and He couldn’t wait to put it to execution.

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It is the early years of 20th century and it was the time British were coming up with all possible ways of dividing Indian unity. One such plan was hatched by Lord Curzon to divide Bengal and to weaken the hindu’s war for freedom in Bengal. But there was one person with all His worldly knowledge and divine power foresaw that this was the first step in straining the relation between Indian Hindus and Muslims. He had to act fast. Even His persistence of “One God” to all His devotees seems to have been going in vain as He sees them fighting for just one reason, religion. He thought to himself that the time has come for the revelation He had waited to reveal for so many years now and that would change the faith of many hindus and muslims. What’s stopping Him and what went wrong in this good intent long scripted divine plan?

When He first stepped in Shirdi as Fakir, He had all the right moves like projecting himself as Sufi Saint and also making a hindu priest naming Him as Sai which meant “Saakshaath Eeshwar”. Even though He was at first thought to be just a fakir, over the years He became Sai Baba the Guru who eased all His devotees of all the earthly troubles and sufferings. And in return He was constantly teaching them the “One God” or famously know “Sabka Malik Ek” philosophy. He was confident that this was the only thing that would keep them together in the dark years to come and stop them from fighting over religion. He stressed on this on all possible occasions and even when it didn’t affect all of His devotees He used to think His final revelation would do the trick for them.

Shirdi Sai Baba owed so much of this Godly status to Baijabai. She was not just one of His earliest devotees. He treated her like His own sister and she too reciprocated the same. She used to search the whole village to find Him and make sure He took His food on time. She was more like a mother to Him and her son was bound to be close to Sai. One mistake that constantly pained Sai was this relation. Baijabai and Tatya were the only personal ties He had and He never realized that would affect His divine plan. He never could understand why such a selfless devotee like her would ask for the well-being of her son on her death bed.

Sai always wanted to do the revelation on His death bed so that the credibility of His story is not lost and that was the perfect plan. No one would deny a person on death bed and that too a Divine person like Sai. But Sai was more concerned about Tatya who was supposedly dying on Oct 15 1918. Sai had to take care of him before He ended this earthly human form and He was trying all the known ways to save Tatya. Somehow nothing seems to have worked except one way, sacrificing His own life for Tatya. But why? Sai who saved so many from near death situations, could have saved even Tatya the same way. Why He had to sacrifice His own life? What are those powers that were out of Sai’s control that forced Him to die without revealing His true self, the revelation He thought would keep Hindus and Muslims together for the darkest times to come......To be contd at..... 
Part-1 Part-2 Part-3

Confessions of a forced bachelor

Caution: You can relate to this blog and agree with me only if you still share at least a cordial relation with your spouse.

Yes it is true and not a myth. A forced bachelor cherishes his freedom more than a true bachelor even though it has an expiry date. It is also ironical that no FB wants to extend his freedom beyond a time. Coming to the point of cherishing the freedom a FB is like a kid who is asked to look after his parents candy store while they are away. Though the kid wants the candy badly, he wants the pride more- pride in proving to his parents that he has lived up to their expectations.

This is the time wherein the FB gets to understand that it was not his wife that stopped him from doing all the things he did not do even though he wanted to. It was his conscience that was stopping him from doing the things his wife disliked. This is also the time when he gets the full burden of house making and bread earning both. Again the expectations are set to reach both by corresponding managers.

Lots of to-dos, not-to-dos, and how-to-dos fill this time totally. And we still haven’t talked about the emotional pressure of missing your spouse. That literally kills if you still fall under the categorization mentioned in my caution. Either you start feeling like a patient of attention seeking syndrome or your spouse does.

The former case is easier to handle as it results in only few arguments. But the latter is more dangerous as it will have a various degrees of questionnaire, tons of how-could-you-forget-me and innumerable you-only-remember-me-when-I’m-with-u. Let me put it straight I don’t have a solution for this. I am just another FB dealing with all these syndromes, consciences and a big candy store where I am trying not to eat even a single candy.

Fantasy - a satire on myself and my fellow Indians

It was one of those days which started almost like any other day; having morning coffee, going to work and then going through latest news. News in India is much scarier than the William Friedkin’s all-time scary movie, Exorcist and much grosser than James Wan’s SAW. But still it always is refreshing in ways to know how some government, is ruining some state, why people are doing riots, how some people are doing nothing for the injustice done to them. Its always refreshing, can never be boring.

For the past some days before that day I had been feeling restless, impatient not because of what’s happening around me at my work but because of what is happening around me in my country or to my country. There had been an incessant conflict between my heart and my mind, my conscience and my conception and also a dilemma to take whose side as both sound equally practical and impractical. But that day witnessed the pinnacle of all these emotions, which forced me to choose a side, and I did. I chose my heart’s way to be Indian and do something like a responsible Indian-Bring Change.

What to do and how to do was a question now. Before that with whom it can be done was a bigger question. Most of the middle-aged Indians are pre-occupied by some prejudices, corrupted depending on their capabilities and rarely selfless. So I decided to go with Youth of India who are on the edge of becoming typical Indians like their middle-aged predecessors. Once I got hold of few youngsters after thorough campus interviews whose main aim was to bring a change better to India, I wanted some elderly person to govern all of us and to make sure we are on right path. So we visited many of Homes for the aged and found one elderly person whose knowledge was what we desired.

Then we decided that to bring betterment in India it should be done through politics. So we started a political party namely “Kaaran(Reason)”. We had a reason to exist and never wanted to move away from that and so we named our party “Kaaran” just to keep reminding ourselves about our reason.

Once the news was out, the response was huge. Got many letters, mails from all over India, media was praising our party but no new members were ready to join. But still we had a “Kaaran” to boost our spirits. We were elected from all constituencies from where we were nominated. Then we had lot of new members showing in. We filtered among them and chose only the apt ones. We did our best in our first term and by the end of first term we had become a complete party, which can govern an entire state. As Expected in our next elections we won with huge majority to govern our state. Yes we did not want to rule we wanted to govern, we wanted to make sure everything happening is heading only towards betterment. Now our party had members from many sects and communities but none were revealed outside. We went to backward and predominant caste communities and everywhere we said “we might or might not have people from your community but we have people of your country who want our country to be best”.

People of India are not that irrational. Sooner our party reached national level. So when parliamentary elections came we again won with huge majority and now we are the leaders of the nation. We tried our best to eradicate corruption, improve literacy rate(of course without conversions), bring more people above poverty line and in turn making better India which was our dream, wish and “Kaaran”.

“orey bandoda nidra leyya raa, entha sepupadukuntaavu, nee laaga mitta madhyahnam daaka andharu paduko batte desam itta edchindhi, lechi moham kadukkoni vachi bhojanam thinu, tharuvatha malli padukovachu.”

“You idiot wake up now. How long will you sleep? It’s just because of people like you sleeping till afternoon India is like this. Wake up, eat and then you can happily sleep again”

And then I woke up.

Me and my IPhone

God made us humans and Apple made IPhone. Is it a mere coincidence that an apple was cause for human evolution(from Adam and Eve) and now another Apple(the trademarked one) took that evolution to next level ?

We had phones, laptops, ipods, portable dvd players,Digital Book readers, GPS, Cameras and many more till now but with Iphone you have all of that in your hand/pocket. Iphone is basically your pocket-size world. Iphone is one stop shop for all human earthly electronic needs.

Me and my Iphone had become so attached in last couple of weeks with my work load and long sleepless working hours. If it was not for Iphone I would have been exhausted with those hours. Of course if it was not for my wife I had no reason coming to home. I was more in contact with folks with Iphone than ever before and been checking my emails more often than before. I was more in contact with world around me than ever before.

Yes it is not just Iphone that could let you do all this. There are many other phones. But with Iphone it is easier and so over simplified that even people, considering India as land of snake charmers, could do it.

Apart from things we used to do before there are other things which were also made available to Iphoners which were kind of too techy to common people earlier. Like transfering files with Bump and many more.

All in all looks like Apple is still playing a huge role in human evolution right from days of Adam and Eve to days of Steve(Jobs).

Aakasa Desana-A Telugu Poem

Aakasa Desana....

Virahaandhakaaram, viyogabhaaram ne bharinchalekunna,
neevu leni ee nimusham nee oohalatho gadipesthunna.

Nuvvu mechindhi edho aa paate vintoo unna,
neeku nachevi evo aa panule chesthoo unna.

Reppa vaaluthunna aa okka kshanam ninnu marachina,
marala kalalo nee thalapule thalusthoo unna.

Nuvvu nenu kalisi undina gadiyala kanna,
nene neevai naake nenu thodugaa unna ee rojulalona,
mana premakunna balamentho thelusukuntunna.

Neevu leni ekantham chedhai digamingukolekunna,
nee smruthula maadhuryam jatha chesi jeerninchukuntunna.

Naa ee nitya vyadha nee dhariki cherendukanna,
egaraali naa ee bhaavalu pakshulai AAKASA DESAANA...........

A Happy Dad

“The Reports are positive” she said.

”True? Yahoo! Thanks for the news honey.” I exuberantly replied.

40 weeks from now I am going to be a Happy dad. What am I supposed to do now? Shall I dance, scream myself out or throw a party?

Next thing I remember doing is googling to find more about pregnancy. As I kept on reading my eyes became wet, I became restless. I wanted to throw the computer away from my vision. But then the thought of becoming a father clearly dominated all that feeling.

Then I turned back to her looked at her and said “you have to be so much careful darling and I am here to be your servant for coming 40 weeks.”

She replied, ”I love you honey but don’t love me so much, I cannot take it.”

But was it my love for her or my payback for her service (bearing my kid)? How mean of me to think that way? It was definitely my love for her.

She started off well, but as days passed by she started suffering. It all began with frequent nausea, then headaches and then difficulty in sleeping due to body changes. It was just like this for rest of trimester.

When the second trimester started which was indicated by the absence of some of that suffering, I found days brighter with her eased face in the mornings and evenings more pleasant with her peaceful company. But as if Gods were jealous of us, it became worse from then. More gain of weight, changes in her digestive system and constipation. On the happier side it was the quickening-first movement of fetus. But she never let the joy in her face of giving birth to our kid fade. And that’s one thing that made this entire situation bearable-her happiness.

And then it was the last trimester. God is so rude towards women and in turn towards their husbands. She had totally lost it now. She cannot sleep in nights. Hardly she falls asleep and all of a sudden wakes up by the movement of fetus. She cannot stand long; her backache never allows her to stand. Also leg cramps and heartburns add up to her misery. But it was killing me whenever she used to shout and call me to ask, “Please honey! Stop this sneeze or cough I beg you, I cannot bear this.” And in the nights when I stayed awake all night to make sure that she is sleeping in proper position, I could feel her need for more breathe.

Nothing was there in my hands to prevent all this other than to let her suffer all through this until she is done with fulfilling our dream. Did I really love her? If yes, why did I allow her to go through all this pain? I was selfish or I was dumb.

But the truth is I was cruel. I realized this during the delivery when she was screaming out of pain, holding my hand tightly, closing her eyes and letting droplets of tears flow down, lips tightened between her teeth and asking me “Honey! Are you with me? Are you with me? Please don’t leave me, I am afraid.”

What have I done to her? She was my most beautiful Rose flower and I let the fall affect her just in hope of a new life. Adding more pain to it was, my Rose, happily, let the fall drop her petals. She never complained.

Finally she handed over the baby into my hands still with that last tears in her eyes and said happily “Our Love”. But she was ignorant of the fact that it was just her Love towards me and then my selfishness of being “A Happy Dad”.

She would never want to hear it but I wished that she heard me saying “Sorry honey for all the pain”. It was shamefully said in a very low voice in the deepest parts of my soul.

"I should not have done this. Sorry honey for all the pain”

GROSS

Caution: This story might affect some of your routine. So sensitive people are requested to avoid this.


It is such a beautiful day in Chicago. I cannot believe that temperature is finally above 60s in here. Finally there are some birds flying high in sky trying to feel the warmth of the sun. I would say it is a bad day for Phoenix to try reaching sun. I could see the kids playing baseball, students playing basketball in the grounds and old people taking walk on the streets. Finally summer is here.

And I am here sitting in the first compartment of the train facing the rest of the compartments attached to it. An African American guy whom I did not even know was there suddenly got up from his seat to the entrance door. All I could see was he was bending towards the floor and some white watery fluid was oozing out of his mouth. It did not take me and rest of the people, long time to realize that he was puking. Thank God! He was standing beside the wooden partition at entrance and puking. I am not able to see him but hear him puke. But that sound itself is enough for me. I can feel all the sound coming from his vocal chord while bringing out all the stuff, and then the sound of puke hitting the floor. My brain is out of my control, I am hearing the sound and then visualizing it.

Finally he stopped puking and went to some other seat and is resting. I was relaxed. But then started the real struggle. The smell of the puke, it had already spread through out the compartment. There is nothing bad in that smell, it smelled more or less like the rice while it is boiling. I guess even it looks same with rice in white water. But the very thought that smell of rice boiling is from a puke is bringing my insides out. I thought of crossing over to other compartment but for that I need pass the spot where he puked. So I decided I will get off the train and so I did.

While I was waiting for my train I thought of one similar incident, which happened to me, when I was a kid. Even it was a pleasant Sunday as me and my kid brother were at home and of course he was sick. If someone is sick immediately mom thinks of using the soji to make the irritating upma. Then she was making him eat that when he was denying it (none at home likes upma). Finally it all started, he said "Mom, I am going to vomit". Mom took him to bathroom where he started puking. I went into balcony just to avoid that sounds. But I was not successful. I still could hear it. Then the upma in me arose and acting against the Newton discovered gravity it traveled all the way up my alimentary canal, through my throat, touching my tongue and finally oozing out of my mouth hitting the balcony floor.

I still could hear those sounds of my brother puking. Next intelligent thing I tried to do was to rush to another bathroom, which is just beside the one where my brother is busy. But those sounds made my insides more active and faster than my legs making me puke on the bedroom floor. This time it was not upma, as I have not eaten much of it. I guess it is the good day biscuits I had early in the morning. I could see the cashew pieces, which I did not chew properly while eating, in my puke. I soon escaped from that spot to dad's office room, which is the farthest from that spot. On my way itself, "by then" hyperactive digestive system of mine acted once more bringing out all the chapathi and Aloo kurma I had last night. I could not see aloos but pieces of chapathi were all over the place with some mustard seeds.

After I was done with getting rid of chapathi I rushed to dad's room. As a matter of fact I thought I was empty by then. But when I for the last time heard my brother puke, my thought proved to be wrong. This time the 3 cups of coffee I had from morning came out. I could easily make out with the brown color of the puke and also its taste and smell while I was vomiting.

By then my brother was done and I had decorated house with my puke all over. Thinking of all these I smiled and thought that today it was a narrow escape. My next train arrived and got into that again enjoying the beautiful Chicago on a summer day.

Made for each other, ONLY for each other

“Congratulate me Dad. I have become a Dad now. Your KODALU gave birth to a baby boy.”
“Congrats raa” spoke the voice on the other end of the call.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
“now you will get to know the pain that I experienced or more than that” is what I heard of course not from the phone but from the alter ego of my Dad inside myself.
“what? I never gave any pain to my parents. I was their obedient son. Of course never topped the class , Couldn’t get into IIT as they wished, smoked when I was sure they wouldn’t know, boozed when I was not in my home town and after all marriage is my personal problem so selected my own partner but informed them because I am their obedient son.”

“Even my son would be just like me, so obedient towards his parents”

. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .

“thanks dad, We would have been so happy if u people were here”
“Our wishes are always with u raa, take care of my Kodalu”


. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .

years passed by. My son grew up to be as obedient as I wished. Never spoke a word without me prompting it, never took a step without giving that “DAD! CAN I?” look at me. Even after so many years after that day when I wished my newly born kid would be just as obedient as me. It was almost before 4 years and yes I am successful in making my dream of obedient son come true. Of course every now and then when my love my sweetheart tries to make him eat he just shouts, throws food all over the place, makes me so pissed off. But he is still so obedient that one angry look at him he just finishes his food but slowly. Poor thing my wife has to wait till he finishes but can’t complain she takes immense pleasure in that. Also when we enter a candy store or grocery store, had to keep a good watch over him not to pick anything and ask me at the counter to pay for it.

But still he is my sweet little obedient son. I love playing with him, I love his hug, which I get everyday, and I love his kisses. But in the night when he wakes up crying and keeps my wife awake all the night. . . . . . .ahh! forget it . After all he is my own obedient son.

. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .

Again years passed by, he is 15 yrs old now. Always sitting in front of TV, never caring for my wife’s words. But as soon as I come home he is still my obedient son, who on my saying(repeatedly of course) starts his homework. On weekends never stays home, spends some quality time with his friends than with his dad of course again with my permission only. He is 15 yrs old now. Still I don’t know his hobbies, favorites, likes dislikes etc. No doubt is my obedient son, but Am I asking for too much when I want to know about my son. I know everything about my wife whom I have met only after her first 20(odd) years. But my son who is with me right from his birth-I don’t know much about him.

. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .
“Dad I got selected for the job.”
“congrats son”
“Dad I need to talk to you about something.”
“what?”
“I have chosen my life partner and I want to marry her and move out from this house once I get the job and get settled and I want your permission for my marriage without which I wouldn’t marry(did he really mean it?)”
“it’s ok raa(feeling proud of my obedient son). As you wish.”

. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .

“Congratulate me Dad. I have become a Dad now. Your KODALU gave birth to a baby boy.”
“Congrats raa”, I said and then after hanging up the call went to my wife who was sleeping on the bed. Lied down next to her and said “ Your son became Dad today, he just called.”
She turned towards me with a mixed feeling of surprise and happiness and asked “when will we go to see our grand son?”

It was quite unintentional but couldn’t stop these words flow out of my mouth “It was YOUR parents first, YOUR son then and now YOUR grand son who are sharing your life. But as a life partner what part of life is dedicated for me? I married you not just to live my life with you but to live our life together. One fine day YOUR son enters our life takes away my time from you and your time from me and before we could completely know him for all the time we have spent(or wasted) over him he leaves us. And now you want YOUR grandson to spend the rest of your life with. Even I went blind over our son, before marriage I couldn’t even tolerate you sharing love with your siblings but once our son came I never felt it and moreover I just loved him and not you. But what’s use in repenting now, after all the life is gone. Hope at least in my next life I get you as my partner and I will make sure that none exists who will share my love towards you and your love towards me.”

My eyes filled with tears and my sight became so blurred that I couldn’t see anything but felt something warm moving towards me and hug me. She is my wife who then wiped away my tears just to make me see her eyes filled with tears, with same innocent _expression that told me 30 years back “For all the love you show towards me I cannot stop myself love u more”

All of a sudden everything went blank, our breaths stopped, we stopped feeling the warmth of each other, felt our souls rising making their first wish “Oh GOD! Please make us both one again in next life and make sure we love each other and only each other through out our lives”

MOM & DAD I miss U

Through the clouds of the vast sky my line of sight traveled and met a house where I wasn’t born, I didn’t grow up and I never stayed but still which can be called my home just because, those who stay there, I owe them my birth, I owe them each day of my life and I owe them myself- My parents.

It wasn’t dawn yet but I could see someone wake up and enter the kitchen. She is my MOM, best at making coffee that I used to have it 6 times a day which had reduced to once or none a day after I left her. And now I can see her make what she is best at, coffee.

“Mom, Milk is boiled enough. It’s going to spill out “

No use she can’t hear me. She is thinking something and I bet I can read her mind right. She is thinking that if my son was here he would have loved to have this coffee more than anyone.

She realized just in time to turn off the stove. I told you she is best at it because, even milk wont spill out without her permission.

She started cleaning the dishes and again fell into deep thoughts. She is just wondering why she woke up so early when she has nothing to do unlike when I was there. Then she had to make my lunch box for school or college.

“Oh God! I miss that “Egg Curry” with half sliced egg pieces in the carriage tempting me right from the first period of my class till lunch”

Am I reading her wrong? It’s been some years since I left her and yet hasn’t she come out of that routine or doesn’t she want to or am I wrong in reading her?

Now the birds outside my house that are never seen but just heard told my mom that it is dawn and time for my dad to wake up. I envy my dad because he still sees my mom’s face first in the morning. He woke up got ready for his work, made some comments about the idli mom made. She never makes when I am at home. May be she is taking her revenge on dad for making me move away from her because even he doesn’t like idli. Obviously he is my dad, if I don’t like how would he like or is it the other way? Whatever!

Next thing mom does is turn on the TV and watch all the serials Telugu and Hindi until she finds some Chiranjeevi movie in some channel. Now I realize why I am so tired of Chiranjeevi movies, blame my mom who made me watch all his movies some n number of times and who never allows me to watch Pawan Kalyan movies and the name she gave him Chirutha(not cheetah, CHIRU-THAmmudu...much much before Cherry's debut). She never misses a single dialogue or scene on TV but by 2pm lunch is ready. She still makes lunch for me I guess because she only makes my favorite dishes. Of course I like all the dishes she makes.

After having some good food next thing she would love to do is have some good afternoon sleep-her favorite afternoon pastime. Its not been long that she fell asleep but she woke up all of a sudden sweating and fearing something. This dream that had me in it has been reappearing to her from quite some days and not allowing her to sleep.
“I am sorry Mom, I am not even allowing you to sleep just like when I was less than a year old when you stayed awake many nights taking good care of me hoping nothing would happen to me like my brother whom I never saw and never had. I am sorry mom. Some things are just inevitable but we have to accept it when they happen”


She fell asleep again and this time I made sure I won’t disturb her again. She woke up in the evening and I knew she wasn’t sure of what to do now. She did not have to sweep the corridor where I used to remove my shoes leaving lot of sand on floor, she need not have to pick my bags and put them in right place nor had she to compel me to get up from watching TV and take bath. But she woke up, she just wants to follow the routine or at least feel the routine, as she can’t have her son in her routine anymore.

Dad came home now. And then her evening just passed so fast making tea for dad, watching 7’0 clock serials, making dad watch them, with their one sided arguments which always mom won because dad is so intelligent and because he loves her so much.

After turning off the TV and the lights in the house Mom headed towards her bedroom passing mine and switching off the bed light in my room, which was allocated for me if I ever come back home, because I can’t sleep even with bed light on. She still feels I am in there. I know it from the way she said “GOOD NIGHT raa” so that dad can’t hear her and I can. I believe she can see me.

But I wished I can talk to her and tell her how I felt that day, when I went to my work just as any day and which was just like any other day until some guy came and shot me for the heck of it.

“Mom, I never knew that guy. He just came and tried to shoot someone else but it hit me. Before I could realize that it hurts, my blood started oozing out of my heart, which was losing its pace. I knew it was going to stop some time now. I was sure it was my last day and the only thing I felt was pain. It was pain, not from the shot but because more than anything and anyone I wanted to see you MOM then. I wished I died in your lap. My thoughts though fading were able to see you mom but not my eyes. My sight became darker and darker but you were not there mom. Mom one warm hug of yours would have made me alive again, my sight brighter and my thoughts stronger. Before the bullet killed me I was dead because of the thought of dying on a land where I did not belong and dying without seeing you mom.”

“Next thing I see is you mom in this very house listening to dad saying the news of my death to you. I expected you would almost break into tears but no. You became silent and speechless. I could still recall that bloodless and expressionless face of yours which was brought back to life, along with you, by dad’s constant efforts. And then I told myself that you were so lucky, unlike me who had none to bring me back to life when I was dying, to have dad beside you taking care of you. I love you dad for all the care you show and will be showing towards mom whom I had left. “

“Mom don't allow that dream of yours, where you see me dying and crying out for you ruin your sleep and don’t miss me too much and I know you won’t because you can still see me in that very house annoying you at times, angry at you at times, shouting at you at times and which I never told you is that all those times it was just my Love to you MOM. I can’t resist but say I miss you MOM. Now don’t cry but go to sleep, tomorrow you have to wake up early in the morning to watch INDRA at 8’o clock”

I WAS BHAGAT SINGH

What’s happening to me? I am not able to breathe, someone is strangling my neck with a rope, I can’t see anything. My face is covered with some cloth. I am dying and I am dead.

“Hey Con wakeup. What’s all that sweat on your face? Why were struggling as if somebody was strangling your neck?” asked my roommate.

“Nothing” I lied. It was 3 AM and my roommate was preparing for his exam next day when he got distracted by my wierd behavior, I suppose.

But what about the dream? What is all that about? I can still feel the pain. Thinking so I lied on my bed facing the brilliant view of Chicago Downtown skyline from my room. I am able to recollect my dream or at least parts of it.

I was reading a book written by Vladimir Lenin, a Communist revolutionary of Russia when someone called me. I was asked to get ready. Everyone around me was so down as if someone was dead. Later I was led into an empty ground, which looked more like a place where people are supposedly hanged. Meanwhile 2 other people who seem to know me, even them as high-spirited as proud as me, joined me. But I don’t know the reason why.

All three of us were then directed to get on to the wooden platform, which all 3 of us thought as a dais to make our voice reach crores of people. Then our faces were covered by a black cloth. Before I could realize that we were being hanged we were already hanged. I could still feel Rajguru and Sukhdev(how do I know their names!) struggle for breathe on my either side. Then a voice started in my brain,

“Con this is the pain many of us went through to make our Mother free from British government hoping that at least our Indians would take good care of her. But. . . . . my breathe I am not able to breathe. . . . . . .Indians right from the day we got freedom we are just fighting not with outsiders like then but with ourselves among brothers. In turn giving our leaders ample of scope to exploit us on our weakness to fight with our own brothers. And you Con and people like you . . . . . . . . . . . .my eyes are going blind, my breathe has almost stopped . . . . . . . . leave our Mother to suffer in the hands of some greedy ones and leave to get hold of your dollar dreams. Even I could have done a good job got married and have fun throughout my life making you all still suffer like dogs under British rule. But instead I am dying for you, that you who don’t give a damn about what is happening to the country. I am a failure, my death is a failure all our sacrifices are failures just because we took over the reign from foreigners and handed it over to inefficient Indians who grow up to be called as NRIs than Is(Indians).I could feel no movement of Rajguru or Sukhdev on my sides and I know even it is my time now to die a death which is of no use and which will definitely go into vain.But remember one thing Con, this is the pain we all went through for the future of which you are part of. Jai Hind”

I am still looking at beautiful skyline of Chicago downtown and then said to myself “aah! Com’on man it’s just a dream; more of a nightmare. Forget it. What a beautiful skyline!”

Love Accessible

Station by station is passing by but still my destination hasn't arrived. What should I be doing when I meet her after reaching home? I shall hug her and give her a kiss to show how much I love her.

"Oh my brother ee pichi prema puttindante anthenu raa sarvam marachi sanyaasi malle ninne maaramantundhi raa"

It's my mobile's ring tone assigned to my girl friend's number. I answered the call.

"Hi raa Where are you? Why are you late today? Do you at least remember that today is the day you proposed to me last year?"

"Hey what are you talking? How can I forget that? It's just that the train is late. I will be there soon and then we shall go to the dinner at water tower place"

"come soon raa. I miss you a lot and more today"

I cannot even believe that one year passed by already. It was almost like yesterday when I first met her in the classroom. She was so beautiful that day and I was so lonely that day. All of a sudden she came and sat beside me, as it was one of the few seats from where the lecture would be clearer. It was during the first break that she talked to me. She introduced herself and then it was my turn. I never knew we would become so close then. During second half she fell asleep which gave me a chance to offer my notes to her and in turn go to her room to get back that notes.

I knocked on the door from which the aroma of some brilliant dish or at least brilliantly smelling dish is coming. She came and opened the door. She has kept something on the stove and she is still writing the notes. So I offered her some help of course not in writing but cooking. Thanks to my culinary skills that I succeeded in making it edible besides being aromatic. After dinner we went to the on-campus 7-11 for a short walk which gave us enough scope to know each other, ideas and families.

From next day that night walk was a must just like 'n' number of pairs on our campus which were formed right after landing in US. We became good friends, thick friends and then decided to be together forever.

"Hello motto....".

This is my mobile's default ring tone for some numbers which aren't that significant to have exclusive ring tones. I saw the number that disturbed me in remembering my evergreen past. I saw that number somewhere but couldn't make out whose number it is. Then I remembered that this number is also from my past but past to evergreen past.

"Hello raa. Do you remember me? It was one month before we talked to each other that too when I called you and you had promised me that you will call me within one hour. But I am sorry I couldn't wait for that one hour which in this case is 30x24 hours long. What happened raa? I am happy to find you safe."

"I am safe. Don't worry. But shall I call you tomorrow. I am a bit busy today. "

"Ok raa. But remember that one girl here is waiting for you and living just for you. Bye. I love...."

I hung up on her before she could finish that. Not that I don't want to hear that but because I don't deserve that. She is my ex- and first girl friend who knows just loving me whether I call her or forget her and it is me who thinks that she is ex- and ex- because I couldn't wait for one month without her when she was in training far from home so that she couldn't call me nor could I reach her.

One month and I started searching for a new girl friend, found one and now forgot her totally. But she still believes that I love her even though I have been avoiding her from past one year. SHE is the one who has been calling me monthly once and only once just because she thinks I am busy at work and I would be disturbed and who every night before going to sleep tries to dial my number and with great difficulty resists her from disturbing me. Then it is Me who even after knowing all this is not ready to leave my current girl friend who is very much accessible than one sitting back there in India.

Finally my train arrived in Chicago station. I took a cab went to our room but did not kiss her nor hug her(did I get the realization?). Later on we went to dinner at water tower place where I kissed her that kiss I saved (but not shelved) for this moment.