“The Reports are positive” she said.
”True? Yahoo! Thanks for the news honey.” I exuberantly replied.
40 weeks from now I am going to be a Happy dad. What am I supposed to do now? Shall I dance, scream myself out or throw a party?
Next thing I remember doing is googling to find more about pregnancy. As I kept on reading my eyes became wet, I became restless. I wanted to throw the computer away from my vision. But then the thought of becoming a father clearly dominated all that feeling.
Then I turned back to her looked at her and said “you have to be so much careful darling and I am here to be your servant for coming 40 weeks.”
She replied, ”I love you honey but don’t love me so much, I cannot take it.”
But was it my love for her or my payback for her service (bearing my kid)? How mean of me to think that way? It was definitely my love for her.
She started off well, but as days passed by she started suffering. It all began with frequent nausea, then headaches and then difficulty in sleeping due to body changes. It was just like this for rest of trimester.
When the second trimester started which was indicated by the absence of some of that suffering, I found days brighter with her eased face in the mornings and evenings more pleasant with her peaceful company. But as if Gods were jealous of us, it became worse from then. More gain of weight, changes in her digestive system and constipation. On the happier side it was the quickening-first movement of fetus. But she never let the joy in her face of giving birth to our kid fade. And that’s one thing that made this entire situation bearable-her happiness.
And then it was the last trimester. God is so rude towards women and in turn towards their husbands. She had totally lost it now. She cannot sleep in nights. Hardly she falls asleep and all of a sudden wakes up by the movement of fetus. She cannot stand long; her backache never allows her to stand. Also leg cramps and heartburns add up to her misery. But it was killing me whenever she used to shout and call me to ask, “Please honey! Stop this sneeze or cough I beg you, I cannot bear this.” And in the nights when I stayed awake all night to make sure that she is sleeping in proper position, I could feel her need for more breathe.
Nothing was there in my hands to prevent all this other than to let her suffer all through this until she is done with fulfilling our dream. Did I really love her? If yes, why did I allow her to go through all this pain? I was selfish or I was dumb.
But the truth is I was cruel. I realized this during the delivery when she was screaming out of pain, holding my hand tightly, closing her eyes and letting droplets of tears flow down, lips tightened between her teeth and asking me “Honey! Are you with me? Are you with me? Please don’t leave me, I am afraid.”
What have I done to her? She was my most beautiful Rose flower and I let the fall affect her just in hope of a new life. Adding more pain to it was, my Rose, happily, let the fall drop her petals. She never complained.
Finally she handed over the baby into my hands still with that last tears in her eyes and said happily “Our Love”. But she was ignorant of the fact that it was just her Love towards me and then my selfishness of being “A Happy Dad”.
She would never want to hear it but I wished that she heard me saying “Sorry honey for all the pain”. It was shamefully said in a very low voice in the deepest parts of my soul.
"I should not have done this. Sorry honey for all the pain”
”True? Yahoo! Thanks for the news honey.” I exuberantly replied.
40 weeks from now I am going to be a Happy dad. What am I supposed to do now? Shall I dance, scream myself out or throw a party?
Next thing I remember doing is googling to find more about pregnancy. As I kept on reading my eyes became wet, I became restless. I wanted to throw the computer away from my vision. But then the thought of becoming a father clearly dominated all that feeling.
Then I turned back to her looked at her and said “you have to be so much careful darling and I am here to be your servant for coming 40 weeks.”
She replied, ”I love you honey but don’t love me so much, I cannot take it.”
But was it my love for her or my payback for her service (bearing my kid)? How mean of me to think that way? It was definitely my love for her.
She started off well, but as days passed by she started suffering. It all began with frequent nausea, then headaches and then difficulty in sleeping due to body changes. It was just like this for rest of trimester.
When the second trimester started which was indicated by the absence of some of that suffering, I found days brighter with her eased face in the mornings and evenings more pleasant with her peaceful company. But as if Gods were jealous of us, it became worse from then. More gain of weight, changes in her digestive system and constipation. On the happier side it was the quickening-first movement of fetus. But she never let the joy in her face of giving birth to our kid fade. And that’s one thing that made this entire situation bearable-her happiness.
And then it was the last trimester. God is so rude towards women and in turn towards their husbands. She had totally lost it now. She cannot sleep in nights. Hardly she falls asleep and all of a sudden wakes up by the movement of fetus. She cannot stand long; her backache never allows her to stand. Also leg cramps and heartburns add up to her misery. But it was killing me whenever she used to shout and call me to ask, “Please honey! Stop this sneeze or cough I beg you, I cannot bear this.” And in the nights when I stayed awake all night to make sure that she is sleeping in proper position, I could feel her need for more breathe.
Nothing was there in my hands to prevent all this other than to let her suffer all through this until she is done with fulfilling our dream. Did I really love her? If yes, why did I allow her to go through all this pain? I was selfish or I was dumb.
But the truth is I was cruel. I realized this during the delivery when she was screaming out of pain, holding my hand tightly, closing her eyes and letting droplets of tears flow down, lips tightened between her teeth and asking me “Honey! Are you with me? Are you with me? Please don’t leave me, I am afraid.”
What have I done to her? She was my most beautiful Rose flower and I let the fall affect her just in hope of a new life. Adding more pain to it was, my Rose, happily, let the fall drop her petals. She never complained.
Finally she handed over the baby into my hands still with that last tears in her eyes and said happily “Our Love”. But she was ignorant of the fact that it was just her Love towards me and then my selfishness of being “A Happy Dad”.
She would never want to hear it but I wished that she heard me saying “Sorry honey for all the pain”. It was shamefully said in a very low voice in the deepest parts of my soul.
"I should not have done this. Sorry honey for all the pain”
